Spending Survey

As odd as it sounds, fights about money are not always about money. Jack Otter with SmartMoney magazine says a new survey by both SmartMoney and Redbook magazines show money is really a control issue between couples. Otter says, "It's not just what you're buying, but it's who gets to decide what you're buying." To find out more about the survey, keep reading.

Money Matters

Sneaky style--Many of us don't tell our spouse about our spending, and even when we do, we're not always honest about how much we spend. 36% of men admit to lying about the price of an item they purchased. 40% of women confess to telling their husbands a product cost less than it actually did.

Money problems--Otter says the biggest fight over money involves adults with children from a previous relationship. According to Otter, "The issues of how to handle the finances from the children of their previous marriage were hard to resolve because they already had a routine with their children."

Talk about it--According to the survey, couples don't pick the perfect time to talk about their finances. Otter says the study shows they often discuss them in moments of tension--like when they're walking out the door, or in a bad mood, and they remind their spouse to pay a bill.

Separate or Single?

Most couples have joint bank accounts, however 14 percent keep everything separate, and 18% have both.

Tired of the fights? There are ways to talk about money without causing a strain on your relationship.

Set AsideTime

Put aside one day a week or month to discuss finances. This is the time to casually update each other on how money is being spent, saved, and invested. Try to stay on the topic. Once you've finished your discussion, reward yourselves with something special like dinner out or a movie.

Fight Fairly

If a disagreement over money arises, it's important to communicate your viewpoint clearly. Each spouse should calmly explain why he or she is unhappy and then listen to the other with respect. Then, suggest a compromise. Loss of control and sobbing seldom solve problems.

Divide Tasks

In order to keep both spouses in the loop, you may want to divide money tasks. For example, one person can take care of the banking and investments and the other can pay the bills and do the tax return. However, some people are much better at handling money than others. If this is the case in your relationship, and one person takes charge, the weekly meetings become even more vital.

Work Together

Make sure you and your partner are making important money decisions together. If not, one spouse could feel left out and that could lead to hard feelings. For example, before buying a new car or a piece of jewelry, discuss it. How will it affect your finances? What will you have to give up in order to make the purchase?

Get Help

What's love got to do with it? Sometimes, it can seem like money issues are taking center stage in your relationship. If you've tried to work out a financial problem with little success, you may want to get professional help. Free counseling can often be found at credit counseling services. To find a financial counselor in your area, contact the Association for Financial Counseling and Planning Education (AFCPE) at (614) 485-9650. You can also check out the Web site at www.afcpe.org.

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